a place that is cold sober when my body is stumbling drunk

There is this place deep inside where I feel I am connected to everything, not just trees and grass and dogs but buildings and staircases, rocks and sidewalks. It's a deathly quiet place that I guess I've never shared with anyone and probably couldn't, a place that is cold sober when my body is stumbling drunk, another consciousness that sits still like an antenna in tune with some other part of the galaxy.

Ash Wednesday by Ethan Hawke

longing for the past is like a tangible physical torture

Sometimes it hurts bad. The longing for the past is like a tangible physical torture. Oh, God, I wanted to remember every moment of my life. I didn’t want to forget anything. If I could remember, then the passing seconds might have some meaning or be amassing into some definition or purpose. […] The burden of all those memories creates in me a yearning for the quiet I imagine would come with a giant heroin overdose or if I shoved my skull under the wheel of a moving bus.

Ash Wednesday by Ethan Hawke

i want you to be exactly like me

“I used to spend all this time walking around trying to convice everybody that I’m a good person, but I’m not good. I’m childish. I want everything my way. I want you to be the way I want you to be. Frankly, I want you to be exactly like me. I think the whole world should be exactly like me! I am manipulative as hell. I feel sorry for myself, I’m two-faced, I talk shit about people I actually like. I am not a good person and I don’t want to be, screw that, but I’m not bad either.”

Ash Wednesday by Ethan Hawke