Wednesday, January 26

There are certain things that replay themselves in my subconscious without my asking them to be there

I admire and adore Michelle Williams. I love reading her interviews and she always makes literary references to poets and writers that I love. I have alot of respect for her and how she has had to deal with loss in such a publicized way, and  does respectable work and often off-beat roles. Last month I saw an interview she did with Nightline, she was describing how she felt when she was filming a scene for Brokeback Mountain and said, ‎"water, water. I want to be like water, strong enough to hold up a ship but able to slip through your fingers". I just love that line...
She goes on to talk about Heath .... and in this interview with Kevin Sessumus she talks about how "re-contextualized" they made that interview and it makes her want to close up even more.

"This has been in my mind so much recently. There it is. This is a poem that ... well... helped me heal. And I couldn’t remember where I had found it or who wrote it or what the name of it was even. I only remembered its effect on me. I just could remember its first four lines:

As a torn paper might seal up its side,
Or a streak of water stitch itself to silk,
And disappear, my wound has been my healing,
And I am made more beautiful by losses.
(Howard Moss, The Pruned Tree)
I have been looking for this poem for so long.

I don’t believe that life is linear. I think of it as circles—concentric circles that connect. This just proves it to me. There are certain things that replay themselves in my subconscious without my asking them to be there and those lines from that poem are an example. Especially “my wound has been my healing and I have been made more beautiful by losses.” Thank you so much for these books. I needed some new ones. I’ve been living too much in the world of Mary Oliver and Frank O’Hara. Not that there is anything wrong with their worlds, but I needed a couple of new ones. I love those lines from Mark Strand: Ink runs from the corners of my mouth. There is no happiness like mine. I have been eating poetry."

"How do I talk about this? I experienced a lot of loss after his death. I lost my city because of all the paparazzi descending upon us. I actually lost my journal during that time, oddly enough. I literally couldn’t hold on to anything. It felt as if things were literally slipping through my fingers. Things were just streaming away from me. I lost my sense of humor. I’m still sort of looking for that."

Nightline interview, December 2010:

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